Self-understandable

When I was growing up, words like self-realization and self-actualization were in common usage; lots of people felt enlightenment was just around the corner—and so was the new consciousness that would lead to world peace.

Lofty words, lofty ideals and yet—here we still are. And as for me, despite years of yoga, meditation, counseling, journaling, and many other tools of self-discovery, enlightenment somehow continues to elude me! I still struggle to raise my teen-ager without turning blue in the face--I still gripe at other drivers on the road. And yes, I often still find myself, and those around me, a conundrum.

So these days I don’t aim so high. Far from self-realization, self-actualization, or self-mastery, I just try to aim for ... self-understandable. Why did I do that thing that I wish I hadn’t done? If I understand why, that’s a point. If I think I know how not to do it again, that’s another point. But, I also know that I probably will do it, or something like it, again. That’s understandable…

I call it a good day if I get through it feeling pretty good about my interactions with others—I know I’m not responsible for their interactions with me, and that on my end of things, there’s always room for improvement—that’s understandable. But if I get to the pool, and find time to pray, and take a few deep breaths before responding to my son’s eye roll—that’s not a bad day. And at the end of the day, if I take some time for self-reflection, remember to forgive myself, and, and get the rest I need—that’s not bad either.

And somewhere in there, in those moments when I can be self-understandable—sometimes there comes a moment of grace—in knowing that there is One who understands all of my inmost heart—and loves me anyway …